So, honestly, what should one assume when one hears those who are supposed to be one's friends saying disparaging things about the show one has tried to put together?
And what should one assume when one understands that those who are the primary disparagers are also those on the board who decides whether one's show lives or dies?
It's not like I couldn't tell. I saw the exchanges of glances when I showed up to their board meetings to give the best sort of updates I could. I saw the looks of horror in the faces of the "actors" in the other show that goes up in conjunction with this one. I didn't care, but I assumed two weeks ago it spelled doom and had been waiting for them to pass judgement.
But last night I overheard a conversation very clearly about me and my poor little show. I was a mess all of last night, because damn it, half the time people are your friends, half the time they won't stick up for you. (Welcome to show business?) If it were to me, it would be a different thing.
So I sent out some feelers, one that night to one of the board members involved in the conversation above (she could put it together that I heard them, but it wasn't instantly obvious that I had done so), and another this afternoon to the President (who would be attending the rehearsal this evening). I figured they'd been stringing us along far enough, could they please pull the show if they thought it was "just a bunch of shit I thought was funny" so I could get on with my life and homework?
Tonight President and Vice (not amongst those I overheard) of the board come to tell me that they understand that the show is what it is: it's an in progress piece, which means that spotty rehearsals and actors with unmemorised parts is OK. Since they were managing to quote some of the things I had heard last night, I mentioned that I had been hearing some stuff. They assumed I had managed to overhear the actors, who I then learned had done plenty o' bitching, and said that they'd been told to quit it. I decided not to bring up that it was their people. There weren't any "actors" amongst the crowd I heard last night. Nope, those I heard can't meet my eyes today. I wonder how they knew I was in a position to hear them.
While I would like to assume P & VP do have good intentions, the back of my mind knows that this was sent to one of the organisations who gave money as "an event". If we don't go up, they're no longer "an event" and the organisation can pull the funding. I don't want to believe that, but part of me certainly does.
The fact of the matter is, the show is a creation from nothing. It's the first student written production to make it to the stage in the four years I've been here. Everything else has been a staged reading. Nothing has been workshopped and put up, and that's what this is. It's got weak places (I keep cutting them), it needs some work, but it's a very active show and does not work as a staged reading. We spent all of maybe fourteen bucks of our own cash to put this thing up- and that was on plastic weapons. It has a wonderful performance art quality that I never ever see in the department. It's not important that I've got some people with big egos on stage "acting", but that I can stage an accurate representation of this piece of work and get some feedback.
But man, I could do without the personal comments.